Vent/Rant My life is down the drain !?

My sitituation, help please:





The bouts of depression, anxiety, and just overwhelming feelings ... how long do I have to deal with this ? I'm young, still a teenager, and Idk what to do . I started over obsessively worrying when I was about six, my dad was an alcoholic (he's recovered now and great) and he and my mom used to argue every day (not physically but emotional abuse) and I would worry so much about it that an hour before school let out I'd be shaking and sick. If I was staying at a friends house I'd call like twice an hour to make sure they werent fighting too much. My dad has paranoia skitzophrenia (misspelled), manic depression, and bi-polar disorder, he attempted suicide when I was 9 after he lost his job, which is when he stopped drinking. My uncle also killed himself when I was 7, he too was an alcoholic. When I was 13 I began a one year relationship with a sexually, emotionally abusive bf. I left school bc I get super nervous around people, in certain sitiuations, I've had depression symptoms since 7th grade. Ever since I was little I've gotten this awful pictures in my mind and had to perform rituals to make them go away-which i still do. I also have anxiety bad, I'm the flight or fight type of person..which explains school and quitting my job. I also get so angry at the kids in our household I rage out on them, I'm scared I'll hurt them one day- i wont even be alone with them. I live in a highstress sitituation with alot of people in and out. I dont even feel home. My mom and i are close put if i even mention getting help she acts like its her fault, so I feel like there has to be another way and avoid conflict or ignore getting help. (never seen anyone over this) I do go to church and stuff, which helps in some sitituations, but nothing goes away.





I just wanna die sometimes.





Idkwhattodo =*[ I'm lost and alone, helpless, and hopeless, guilty and SCARED.





Sorry it's so misspelled and sloppy I'm just jittery.





Thanks for letting me vent, advice is welcome.Vent/Rant My life is down the drain !?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUI1SeYkf-M





I know what its like. Its hard. Life can be tough, and I mean that, but God is still there. God will never leave you. Bad memories and habits and sadness and troubles can hold you back from things in life. They can cause you to become different, but don't let them hold you back from Jesus. I made that video (the link). And I think it might help a little bit. I hope that things get better for you. Im praying for you. Just please take the time to watch it. Its short.Vent/Rant My life is down the drain !?
Just take one step at a time...i'm sure everything will get better. And even though your mom feels guilty for letting you get help...tell her that you really need it. And that its not her fault at all! Good Luck!